Wednesday, September 15, 2010

America's Got a Big Fat Talented Liar

As shocking as Michael Grimm's season finale win on America's Got Talent were the tearful confessions he shared moments after the million dollar check was in his hand. The fifth season of the hit reality show culminated tonight in a showdown between Grimm and fellow finalists, Jackie Evancho - the mega-talented child opera singer, Prince Poppycock - the unfortunately named drag queen/Moulin Rouge throwback, and the always flashy dance troop - Fighting Gravity. Although many contend that runner-up Evancho was robbed, by the end of the two hour program this viewer learned four things with absolutely certainty:

1. I still don't like opera.
2. Dance troops are really cool.
3. I'm not convinced dressing up like a "Dangerous Liasons" character constitutes talent.
4. And what America's got is way more advertising than than anything else.

What I didn't learn during the show, and what I only know because my sister's boyfriend's aunt's cousin's little brother is a production assistant for The Biggest Loser (which uses AGT's Studio 36 during the day), is that less than a half an hour after he accepted his Vegas contract and his million dollar check, Michael Grimm confessed that he was not the man America thought he was at all.

In his first few appearances on AGT, Grimm spoke tearfully about his grandparents who raised him, encouraged him musically, and took him around to bars in Mississippi to show off his talents. On numerous occasions he said that his goal in winning America's Got Talent was to repay his debt to his grandparents for their love and guidance, and to repay their debt which they incurred in the wake of Hurricane Katrina's devastation of their Louisiana home. Every time he shared these intimate details, the collective sigh of America's voting audience was palpable.

Once the seed of sympathy was planted, it grew disproportionately to Grimm's talent carrying him all the way to the finale. Along the way, Grimm used his back story to his advantage, playing songs that helped the judges and the audience remember why he was there. Early on he covered the song "Katrina was Her Name," by American blues guitarist, Bryan Lee. A few weeks later, he finger-plucked the old Scorpion's ballad, "Rock You Like a Hurricane." Tonight Grimm concluded with a modified but soulful rendition of "When a Man Loves a Woman Whose House Got Flooded By a Natural Disaster and Who Doesn't Have Any Insurance At All."

Less than an hours after AGT finished filming, Grimm broke down in tears. While judges, cast, and crew assumed the emotions had merely caught up with him.

"I did it," Grimm said between tears, "I fucking did it. I can't believe everyone bought it, but they did."

"Bought what, luv?" a confused Sharron Osbourne asked.

"Me!" the bohemian, Silverlake native explained, "You bought me. I made it all up. Everything. I wasn't raised by my grandparents. They live in The Valley for Chrissakes. As if I'd ever live there. Gross."

"What about Hurrican Katrina? The devastation?" Piers Morgan interjected.

"Please," Grimm said, "Who wouldn't vote a white Katrina survivor? I did my research, Piers."

"So all of it was a lie?" Mandel asked.

"Well, not all of it," Grimm confessed wiping away the last of his tears, "I did bang a girl named Katrina once. And I do love The Scorpions. But that's it. You gotta love this country," Grimm concluded, saluting the AGT crew with his million dollar check as he grabbed his coat and his Las Vegas contract and walked out the door.

 A Tearful Grimm Tells All

Now America's got some serious thinking to do now...

Should the prize money go to one of the other finalists? Or should it be donated to a virtuous cause for future talents such as "Baby DJs of America?"




27 comments:

  1. It doesn't entirely surprise me if what you say is true. It says a lot about a lot....and America voted and got duped once again. People need to get their radar back on right again.... this is one bad frequency.

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  2. This is such bullshit!! Don't you have anything better to do than to make up shit about someone.

    And by the way he doesn't get a million dolar check u idiot he will get the million in payments through out a certain amount of years.

    Do your research before you decide to write crap like this again.

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  3. Some people, including the "author" here are just sore losers.

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  4. They trust you at home with the kids? Get a job, it will help get YOU a life, but then again maybe you really aren't a "stay-at-home" Dad and just made that up to draw attention to yourself???

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  5. The internet is full of crapola. This entry is one more of them. I feel bad I read all the way through this blog

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  6. My mom always told me, "never believe anything you hear and only half of what you see." Now its only "what you read".

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  7. To the author, liar, liar pants on fire! Shame on you, JEALOUS!

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  8. Geez. What do you have against this guy to write such total crap? Don't you think if it were true that someone would have picked up on it other than a daddy blogger with too much time on his hands? Since this came up in Google news, don't be surprised if a few hundred AGT lawyers come pay you a visit!

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  9. Takes all kinds! Why try and rob Michael of his dignity and win with lies?

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  10. You are a moron. Somehow, even with watching EVERY AGT episode, I always missed Michael's performances. And I only caught the tail end of his last performance. And I had no idea what his back story was. Plus, I NEVER vote in these things and I actually placed all my votes for Michael. The small bit of the performance I caught from him was amazing. So he could have said a million lies and I would still vote for him. Why? Because he's damn talented and he deserved to win. Poppycock is a douche. Fighting Gravity made a mistake and Jackie wasn't even around for the whole show. She came in at the tail end because of YouTube. Michael was there from the start and jumped through all the hurdles and did all the performances. He deserved to win. Plus, as talented as Jackie is, am I the only one creeped out by her answers any time she was questioned? She was like a robot.

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  11. I love it. You should be a writer for The Onion news. Looko it up, you fit in perfectly with that cast. Submit this as an application. Hilarious. Keep it up.

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  12. SHUT UP and sit down, LIAR!
    You know that Michael is a true article. Hid grandparents there indicate that he was truly part of their family.
    And we didn't need another kid singer. We already had Bianca Ryan. and lots of soprano choirboys, if that's what you want to hear.

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  13. Oh my Lord people. First of all, there is a clear disclaimer on the top of this page. Second, if you follow the show, you know that the songs Michael sang were not "Katrina was Her Name," "Rock You Like a Hurricane." and "When a Man Loves a Woman Whose House Got Flooded By a Natural Disaster and Doesn't Have Any Insurance At All." This is meant to be a joke. And I think it's damn funny.

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  14. I heard that his name isn't even Michael. Its actually Michelle and he/she is a trans-gender.......... This blog rules!!!! Anyone who doesn't see the comedic genius in this blog should get on their cell phones and text themselves a vote for being a moron. Come on people. Lighten up. No one will even remember this guy in a few months. Who won season 5 of American idol? See, no one cares for long.

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  15. First of all, he is from Waveland, Mississippi, not Louisiana. If you had a home in Waveland, MS (which is located on the beach) during Katrina, the house was wiped away. Leveled. I know this because I'm from a neighboring town (Diamondhead, MS). I have friends who went to the same high school as him and remain friends.

    I also happen to work in Hollywood on a TV show and let me tell you... the most inaccurate source of information is your "sister's boyfriend's aunt's cousin's little brother is a production assistant for The Biggest Loser." Production Assistants are the lowest level on the totem pole on a television production. The fact that this kid doesn’t even work on the AGT should be the first red flag. Rumors run rampant on TV sets and odds of your "sister's boyfriend's aunt's cousin's little brother is a production assistant for The Biggest Loser” getting this information correct is ZERO.

    This is a horrible assumption and you really should get better sources before publishing a post like this.

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  16. There's no humor in this post. Especially when news articles are linking back to this stating he's a liar.

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  17. Michael is a great singer......but, whether or not you like opera, Jackie, regardless of her age is one of the best talents we have had the pleasure of seeing and hearing in many many years. Jackie displayed unbelievable composure, while showing what can only be discribed as gracious acceptance for the opportunity to be on America's Got Talent. She is an Amazing Young Lady, with incredible talent, and the voice of an Angel. People who don't appreciate opera and would rather vote for a young guy because they love young men with a Story, are usually girls that have a cell phone glued to their hand and spend most of their time texting their friends for hours and hours every waking moment. Unfortunately they may never know what Talent really is. Their votes sent Michael to the top. They are Empty headed teens. Jackie's parents are to be commended. They have raised a wonderful little lady, who knows what respect is and taught her to keep her feet firmly planted on the ground. I wish we had more parents like hers, because we would see more children like her.

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  18. Having read your so-called "disclaimer" I have to say that I may have actually laughed IF what I found that you had written to be funny. Instead I found it sad, shameful, misinformed, hateful, and something worthy of suing you for. With all the lawsuits running rampant in today's society, doing potential harm to someone's career due to your lies and mistruths could land your sorry ass in court. And frankly, I would find THAT hysterical!

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  19. Obviously you have absolute proof of what you state is true to put this on this blog in the eyes of the entire general public. And I hope that you have very, very good lawyers because you are going to need them. Trust me. Do not try to take this off your blog. It has already been copied and screenshots have been taken and sent to the appropriate people.

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  20. Jackie has a wonderful voice and she has already been booked at Carnegie Hall. If her voice does not change and she can retain it while she grows up (I studied opera), she will have a very long career. Only an uneducated, uninformed moron would assume that she should have won so that she can sing opera on the Las Vegas Strip. That same viciously jealous moron would naturally stupidly assume that she should would much rather PREFER to perform at Caesar's Palace and NOT at the Metropolitan Opera.

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  21. It's obvious to me this is a joke, and you made this story up to get some laughs. Ha Ha. But some people are a bit more gullible and are spreading this is though it were truth. You need to take some responsibility for that. Have you ever heard of "karma?" And if you don't buy that, "you reap what you sow" is another way of saying it. Get a life - one that you can look back on and be proud of.

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  22. This guy has no life. He is in education for special needs children. Lie after lie. It will catch up with you Mr Fishman!

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  23. You are a defamation lawsuit waiting to happen. Yes the First Amendment does provide for free speech.....free honest speech....not venomous lies...that is called slander.

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  24. How is The Onion or Daily Show funny and this isn't? Come on, people. He says at the top he is "making fun". The fact that all of you don't get this is proof that our country is full of complete idiots. Idiots who like to threaten lawsuits. Relax, you dolts.

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  25. Noah, how old are you? It doesn't matter what Fishman said at the top of his page. It's all the words from the top down! For someone to come up with this kind of lies only means that he needs to get out of the occupation that he is in. Or maybe he really isn't in education at all and is just a liar. And for you to follow him makes you the idiot. Not us. We have morals, do you?

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  26. Hey, they if they could vote for Obama, they sure could vote for this Grimm guy.

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