Thursday, September 16, 2010

Evancho's Father Comes Clean About Blog of Hate

Just hours after his surprising and emotional win on America's Got Talent's season 5 finale, Michael Grimm got a taste of the bitter side of rock stardom as the Internet was flooded with claims that he'd made up his entire back story to pull at the heartstrings of American voters. Word on the cyber street was that Grimm accepted his million dollar check and his Vegas contract and announced to the world that he was a fraud.

http://amaribfishman.blogspot.com/2010/09/americas-got-big-fat-talented-liar.html

Not since the hanging chads of 2000 held Bush, Gore, and our great nation hostage with political uncertainty, had the results of an American vote become so controversial.

In the subsequent hours, thousands (yes thousands) of people followed a mysterious link to a parenting blog of all places where they read the disappointing news they worried might be true. By seven o'clock this morning, Yahoo and Google news had swooped up the link, sending thousands more outraged Grimm fans to stand up with their keyboards and defend their new-found hero with the vehemence that can only come from the deep, heart-felt connection elicited by watching a total stranger perform cover songs on national TV. Profanities were "uttered," lawsuits were threatened, and all the while not a single reader offered to make even a small donation to "Baby DJs of America."

Now, less than a day later, the source of the "Michael Grimm is a Big Fat Talented Liar" rumor has come forward to make a public apology. At ten o'clock this evening, Michael Evancho, father to AGT's runner-up and talented opera singer, Jackie, made an anonymous call and confessed. "I was just so frustrated with the American voters," he began, "My daughter, Jackie, was clearly the most talented act in the show, and I think America blew it."

Mr. Evancho went on to read a letter he'd prepared with his sentiments about America's Got Talent, Michael Grimm, and the American people. "It's been a long day," Evancho sighed, "When I leaked the story about Michael last night I was bitter and angry. I wasn't thinking clearly. I wanted to hurt Michael's feelings. I wanted to hurt them badly. Now that I've had a day to reflect and sift through the angry comments I elicited, I realize it's time to come clean." He flipped his paper over and continued reading.

"After seeing all the angry responses written to the totally innocent stay-at-home dad whom I'd leaked the story to, I knew I had to take responsibility and set the story straight. That being said, I feel as though I must apologize, from the bottom of my heart...to the rest of the world for having to put up with 350 million of the stupidest people on the planet. How America is a super-power at all is beyond me. I'm starting to think that reality shows are the equivalent of Aldus Huxley's Soma, blatantly keeping our citizens intoxicated with apathy through the use of the emotional pornography that is reality television."

"I've learned a lot through this experience," Evancho continued.

1. I've learned that the Internet is a dangerous place for the moronic and undiscerning and yet a playground for anyone with half a brain.

2. I've learned that, although America has some talent, what it really has is an abundance of semi-retarded followers looking for a shepherd, regardless of whether he leads with a song, a dance, or a Texas accent as thick as its owner.

3. I've learned that people who complain about wasting time reading nonsense on the Internet are the same people who waste even more time writing inexplicably long comments about just how disappointed they are in themselves for wasting time.

4. I've learned that only 3 out of 18 people (that's less than 20%) have a sense of humor at all, while another 20% claim they have a sense of humor, but either just aren't willing to laugh at funny things or have been spending too much time reading their own mind-numbingly boring blogs.

5. And finally, I've learned that America is a litigious society through and through, and when people run out of  adjectives or support for their opinions, they immediately threaten lawsuits. For example, "Instead I found it sad, shameful, misinformed, hateful, and something worthy of suing you for." A comment pulled from yesterday's blog.

So that's my apology, America," Michael Evancho concluded, "I'm sorry I leaked the story, I'm sorrier you believed it, and I'm sorriest of all that it may contribute to the rise of Michael Grimm's fame in any way."

In other AGT news, Prince Poppycock was seen ducking out of a nightclub with the other Michael Grimm - Republican Congressional candidate - and you are not going to believe what happened next. Well, unless you're the average American - then you'll probably believe every word...

Note to Readers: This blogger has now been arrested and is in custody:

http://amaribfishman.blogspot.com/2010/09/blogger-incarcerated-for-making-fun-of.html

16 comments:

  1. This is quite an example that Mr. Evanko has set for his children when they don't win. What a low-class jerk.

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  2. Isn't it sad that the daughter was so gracious and the father turned out to be so vicious out of jealousy. Perhaps he should learn from his daughter how to behave instead of the other way around.

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  3. Jackie is a beautiful talented child. However she is still a child and needs to grow. She will get her own and make money. I suspect Her father is very lazy and wants to sit at home and manage her affairs. It is too bad he did this because it may in essence hurt his daughter. Michael is the true deal, I know his family. Jackie needs to finsh her schooling and not at the age of 10 be saddled with a Vegas show, Vegas is not a place for kids. Blessings to jackie , and I know Michael is above all this and will do well in the coming years.

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  4. I disagree with sassiester. Vegas has roller-coasters, clowns and a few lucky kids get to pet Sigfried's "tiger". I also read in another blog that Michael Grimm is buying up real estate in the poverty stricken areas surrounding New Orleans to push out the African Americans. Not cool, Mr. Grimm. I did read that in a blog so it must be true.

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  5. This has about as much to do with an 'apology' as a presidential campain speech has to do with reality.

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  6. I certainly hope the Mr. Evanco is not allowed to manage Jackie's affairs he seems like a desperate low life that had dollar signs in his head before they were even his to spend. Jackie's Mom Would do well to get rid of the parasitic loser. If he was within arms reach I would smack him, and give him a public dressing down that he would never forget. Parasites like him have destroyed many a child's lives. Jackie when you are old enough do yourself a favor run as fast as you can from this man.

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  8. I am not sure where you got that information about Jackie's dad. You are totally wrong Mr Fishman. And you are in education? In our country this is freedom of speach. But your blog regarding Jackie's dad is nothing but a lie. Do your research before you make false accusations about someone. Who is the person that rec'd that call? What a shame, people like are what saddens this world.

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  9. You are so factually incorrect. You have no basis for your blog comments. First if you had any clue, you would know the prize is not a million dollar check but a 40 year annuity; second there is no Vegas contract - it is the AGT tour that stops in Vegas for one night. Since you cannot get those correct, it is obvious the rest of the story is made up. When you know what you're talking about, come back and post the real story.

    If you knew the family personally like a lot of us do, you would know Michael is not like that person you describe.

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  10. And to the rest of you who believe this garbage written by Mr Fishman, please take a step back and quit believing everything you read on the internet.

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  11. People- this guy Fishman is a freaking liar. Inimately, familiar with all of the details surrounding the Evancho's and the AGT tour, I can tell you that there was never a statement about Grimm. The turth is, Grimm is adored by the Evancho's for being such a kind gentleman to their daughter. Fishman is a FREAK. Yes, FREAK!!

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  12. He is one funny freak and the fact that so many of you just cant get that its a joke is what is freaky. Think The Daily Show or the Onion, you morons.

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  13. This man is neither funny nor entertaining. Maybe in his own mind. He is no where near the caliber of the Onion or the Daily Show. He is an individual with too much time on his hand and nothing better to say about life.

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  14. Noah, you got one word right, FREAK! If you think he is funny then you believe in lies, so, who is the moron? Do you know what these kind of lies can do to innocent people? Nice people? Of course not. For you to call us morons mean you have no morals. There is NO joke to get Noah!

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  15. Kudos to you all. It is clear you all know how to blog, comment, argue, etc. We could all be worms without words but alas, we are verbal sentient beings instead.

    Long Live Parenthetical Discourse!

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  16. Mr. Fishman, I am so impressed that you have people who hate you and disagree with you responding to your blog. You have finally made it! Freak!

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