Ken Mehlman is Not Gay, Just Really Happy

Just hours after the Washington Post released an article outing Ken Mehlman as gay, the former Republican National Committee chairman held a press conference to clarify his misunderstood remarks. "It's taken me 43 years to get comfortable with this part of my life," he began, "What I was trying to say to reporter Marc Ambinder," he began, "is that everybody has their own path to travel, their own journey, and as a young man mine seemed to be a path of extreme happiness. Unfortunately, I grew up in a family and a subculture that did not approve of or endorse happiness in any form, so I did everything I could to hide these embarrassing parts of myself. I chose a career in politics that was also very anti-happiness. As a result I continued living a lie. I desperately wanted homogeneousness between my internal feelings and my external persona. I felt like a furry bear wanting to bare my soul, a fishing reel wanting to get real, or any number of other homonyms. Deep down inside I felt like a tree hidden beneath too much leafage."

Mehlman paused to gather himself, "It wasn't until I was working as RNC chairman under the direct tutelage of President Bush - by far the most bonhomous man I've ever met. He encouraged me to let the world know how I felt on the inside. He also asked me to wait until after his second term in office, which seemed a bit queer, but I'd waited so long already...so I waited a little longer. And now, with the support of my colleagues, family, friends, and the Republican Party, I am finally ready to come out and tell the world that I'm as happy as a two dollar bill." Mehlman concluded, "I hope this clears up any misunderstandings."

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In my continued pursuit of an income without work, I am straying from the integrity of my parenting blog with attempted comical lead-ins ripped right from the headlines - or Google's Top Ten searches. No, I am not prejudiced against gays or happy people, I would have written a similar spoof if Mehlman had come out heterosexual.

In my first four weeks with Google AdSense I earned me approximately $12. Inspired by the financial possibilities, I searched for articles and e-books about making more money with blogs and was quickly discouraged by long lists of computer lingo that meant about as much to me as "bonhomous" or "homonym." On a whim, I decided to experiment with titles last week, claiming that the Tower of Terror fall at Disneyland was a hoax (and no, I'm not prejudiced against drunk or stupid people either). In the next three days I made $8. Is it real money? No, not until I get a check. But it is really fun? Absolutely.

So, if you enjoy stories about a part-time dad's adventures in Infantland or his playtime adventures in Madeupland, stay tuned, become a follower, shop around (preferably right here on my blog). With your help - i.e. forwarding this link to everyone you know - perhaps I can realize my dream of devoting the next few years to the two things I've ever felt like I'm pretty good at - writing and being a dad. In fact, I was just talking with a co-worker today that with every job I've ever had I've had a lingering worry that I would be exposed as a fraud, that someone would finally stand up and say, "You don't know shit." In the past nine and a half months as Amari's dad, I haven't felt like that once. I feel completely and utterly capable as a father, and my only regret is that I didn't obtain independent wealth first.

Time to get to work. With some creativity and some discipline - who knows - maybe I can figure out how to make parenting into a paying job. I think that would make me even happier than Ken Mehlman.

I promise I'll write a less bigoted, more child-centered blog tomorrow...just so long as there's anything about parenting in the headlines.

Sincerely,

Dad