Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Ken Mehlman is Not Gay, Just Really Happy

Just hours after the Washington Post released an article outing Ken Mehlman as gay, the former Republican National Committee chairman held a press conference to clarify his misunderstood remarks. "It's taken me 43 years to get comfortable with this part of my life," he began, "What I was trying to say to reporter Marc Ambinder," he began, "is that everybody has their own path to travel, their own journey, and as a young man mine seemed to be a path of extreme happiness. Unfortunately, I grew up in a family and a subculture that did not approve of or endorse happiness in any form, so I did everything I could to hide these embarrassing parts of myself. I chose a career in politics that was also very anti-happiness. As a result I continued living a lie. I desperately wanted homogeneousness between my internal feelings and my external persona. I felt like a furry bear wanting to bare my soul, a fishing reel wanting to get real, or any number of other homonyms. Deep down inside I felt like a tree hidden beneath too much leafage."

Mehlman paused to gather himself, "It wasn't until I was working as RNC chairman under the direct tutelage of President Bush - by far the most bonhomous man I've ever met. He encouraged me to let the world know how I felt on the inside. He also asked me to wait until after his second term in office, which seemed a bit queer, but I'd waited so long I waited a little longer. And now, with the support of my colleagues, family, friends, and the Republican Party, I am finally ready to come out and tell the world that I'm as happy as a two dollar bill." Mehlman concluded, "I hope this clears up any misunderstandings."


In my continued pursuit of an income without work, I am straying from the integrity of my parenting blog with attempted comical lead-ins ripped right from the headlines - or Google's Top Ten searches. No, I am not prejudiced against gays or happy people, I would have written a similar spoof if Mehlman had come out heterosexual.

In my first four weeks with Google AdSense I earned me approximately $12. Inspired by the financial possibilities, I searched for articles and e-books about making more money with blogs and was quickly discouraged by long lists of computer lingo that meant about as much to me as "bonhomous" or "homonym." On a whim, I decided to experiment with titles last week, claiming that the Tower of Terror fall at Disneyland was a hoax (and no, I'm not prejudiced against drunk or stupid people either). In the next three days I made $8. Is it real money? No, not until I get a check. But it is really fun? Absolutely.

So, if you enjoy stories about a part-time dad's adventures in Infantland or his playtime adventures in Madeupland, stay tuned, become a follower, shop around (preferably right here on my blog). With your help - i.e. forwarding this link to everyone you know - perhaps I can realize my dream of devoting the next few years to the two things I've ever felt like I'm pretty good at - writing and being a dad. In fact, I was just talking with a co-worker today that with every job I've ever had I've had a lingering worry that I would be exposed as a fraud, that someone would finally stand up and say, "You don't know shit." In the past nine and a half months as Amari's dad, I haven't felt like that once. I feel completely and utterly capable as a father, and my only regret is that I didn't obtain independent wealth first.

Time to get to work. With some creativity and some discipline - who knows - maybe I can figure out how to make parenting into a paying job. I think that would make me even happier than Ken Mehlman.

I promise I'll write a less bigoted, more child-centered blog tomorrow...just so long as there's anything about parenting in the headlines.



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