Sunday, October 25, 2009

Premature Evacuation and Other Things I'll Miss

Saturday marked a week until Halloween - the due date of our first sonogram. The anticipation is building, and with each night I lose a little more sleep wondering what kind of daughter we will have, what kind of father I will be, and which color disaster our house will be painted for the next umpteen years. Although we're both anxious to be parents, there are a few things I will miss about being an expectant father.

1. The occasional Visa Commercial


A recent stop at the gas station:

Water: $2
Snacks: $6
Gas: $25
Carrie's deadpan response of, "Is what a boy or a girl?" to the cashier's question about her belly: Priceless

Carrie does this from time to time and its awesomeness (yes, it's a word) only increases with the size of her belly. I think people stop breathing for a moment, pray for the invention of a time machine, or start tapping their shoes together like Dorothy. It creates such a unique atmosphere of discomfort and relief that they inevitably share an embarrassing past experience when they actually were mistaken.

2. Premature Evacuation: My favorite. Pregnancy is a terrific time for the socially ambivalent and occasionally lazy. It is a constant and justifiable excuse to leave parties, work, or just plain undesirable situations early. "We have a mid-wife appointment," or "Carrie's not feeling well," or sometimes I'll just say, "Well...I think I should get going," and then point down at my belly with a knowing nod, hoping they know I'm talking about Carrie rather than implying that I'm headed for the gym.

These opportunities are rare, and I feel no shame in taking advantage. When my grandmother passed away in '91, I was taking "permitted educational leaves" from college for almost three years. Being the world traveler she was, I know she would have approved.

3. Eating whatever I want. Oh wait, that's Carrie. I do it, too, though, knowing that this is a temporary luxury soon to be replaced with eating tepid mashed carrots, chewed up grapes, and any "five second rule" items I deem too valuable to throw out. Future frugal father of the year. Say that ten times fast.

Other things I will miss that have more to do with baby outside the belly versus inside the belly:

1. Sleeping
2. Eating at the same time as Carrie
3. Going to the movies
4. Having time to blog
5. Finishing sentences

3 comments:

  1. Will I still get to act grouchy for no particular reason? Will people tell me I look great even though I've put on (ahem, ahem, grumble) pounds? Well, at least I can drink again, and bend over comfortably, and eat sushi, and go on roller coasters, and take ibuprofin, and so on, and so on, and so on.

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  2. Oh, does the time even exist before Reya? It is hard to believe but you actually will (kindof) forget what life was like pre-child.
    The one thing I can remember really missing is showering with the door/curtain closed. The cold air does nothing for a newly shaven leg.

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  3. I ate even more of what I wanted when breast feeding. The appetite just grew and grew.
    Enjoy that one for as long as you can too!

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