Sunday, October 25, 2009

Premature Evacuation and Other Things I'll Miss

Saturday marked a week until Halloween - the due date of our first sonogram. The anticipation is building, and with each night I lose a little more sleep wondering what kind of daughter we will have, what kind of father I will be, and which color disaster our house will be painted for the next umpteen years. Although we're both anxious to be parents, there are a few things I will miss about being an expectant father.

1. The occasional Visa Commercial

A recent stop at the gas station:

Water: $2
Snacks: $6
Gas: $25
Carrie's deadpan response of, "Is what a boy or a girl?" to the cashier's question about her belly: Priceless

Carrie does this from time to time and its awesomeness (yes, it's a word) only increases with the size of her belly. I think people stop breathing for a moment, pray for the invention of a time machine, or start tapping their shoes together like Dorothy. It creates such a unique atmosphere of discomfort and relief that they inevitably share an embarrassing past experience when they actually were mistaken.

2. Premature Evacuation: My favorite. Pregnancy is a terrific time for the socially ambivalent and occasionally lazy. It is a constant and justifiable excuse to leave parties, work, or just plain undesirable situations early. "We have a mid-wife appointment," or "Carrie's not feeling well," or sometimes I'll just say, "Well...I think I should get going," and then point down at my belly with a knowing nod, hoping they know I'm talking about Carrie rather than implying that I'm headed for the gym.

These opportunities are rare, and I feel no shame in taking advantage. When my grandmother passed away in '91, I was taking "permitted educational leaves" from college for almost three years. Being the world traveler she was, I know she would have approved.

3. Eating whatever I want. Oh wait, that's Carrie. I do it, too, though, knowing that this is a temporary luxury soon to be replaced with eating tepid mashed carrots, chewed up grapes, and any "five second rule" items I deem too valuable to throw out. Future frugal father of the year. Say that ten times fast.

Other things I will miss that have more to do with baby outside the belly versus inside the belly:

1. Sleeping
2. Eating at the same time as Carrie
3. Going to the movies
4. Having time to blog
5. Finishing sentences


  1. Will I still get to act grouchy for no particular reason? Will people tell me I look great even though I've put on (ahem, ahem, grumble) pounds? Well, at least I can drink again, and bend over comfortably, and eat sushi, and go on roller coasters, and take ibuprofin, and so on, and so on, and so on.

  2. Oh, does the time even exist before Reya? It is hard to believe but you actually will (kindof) forget what life was like pre-child.
    The one thing I can remember really missing is showering with the door/curtain closed. The cold air does nothing for a newly shaven leg.

  3. I ate even more of what I wanted when breast feeding. The appetite just grew and grew.
    Enjoy that one for as long as you can too!